One Mindset For Increased Responsibility In The School Community

I remember Kenny.

He threw Ahmed to the floor in the middle of the hallway and threatened him in front of a group of students.

When Kenny was brought to my office he was steaming.

He said he pushed Ahmed to the ground because he made a negative comment about Kenny’s mother the night before.

This happened online.

Kenny told me where he was from if someone insults your mother “It’s on.”

He had no choice. Ahmed crossed the line. He couldn’t be expected to control himself.

“I know what you are going to say Mr. C. I read your emails, but I’m not down with that. If someone disrespects my mom I have to deal with it.”

I nodded my head. Paraphrased the story back to Kenny.

“Yeah. That’s what happened.” Kenny said.

“Ok, Kenny imagine something for me. Imagine that instead of Ahmed being 5'5 and weighing 120 pounds, Ahmed was 6'5, weighed 280 pounds, and was athletically built. Would you have been able to control yourself? Would you have approached the situation in a different way? I know I would.”

Kenny smirked and looked down at his hands.

When we say we can’t control ourselves we are giving ourselves an excuse.

When we say that someone else made us act or feel a certain way we are giving into a fallacy.

Our responses belong to us.

No one else’s behavior resides in our sphere of control.

But we fail to teach our children this robust mind frame at an early age.

We fail to model it.

We tell them how they should expect others to treat them. We miss the part about how they should conduct themselves when others don’t meet those expectations.

It’s not just children.

Adults fall into the same trap.

The poet said,” Would you have a great empire? First rule over yourself.”

Owning our response to the world.

This is the beginning of our great empire.

No one makes you act in anger. No one makes you act in frustration. No one makes you stay in your room feeling dejected. No one demotivates you.

Maybe initially. Maybe in that first instant.

We are human after all.

But we are stronger than we know. More capable than we have the courage to consistently realize.

We decide.

How shall we respond?

What kind of response is in keeping with the best version of myself?

Do that.